Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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