respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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