I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize