I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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