Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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