just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
