Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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