fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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