So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
