how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
