Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
