it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
