I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
