I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
