Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
