Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
