I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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