if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
