I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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