Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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