the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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