Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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