I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
