Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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