Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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