Got a toothbrush?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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