So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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