I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
