the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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