i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
