Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
