the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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