you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
