I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
