Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
