Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
