my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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