the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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