I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Are my feet made of real feet?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
