Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
