i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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