Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
