It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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