So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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