your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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