Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
