i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
