after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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