I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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