if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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