So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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