i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
