the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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