"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
nutella sex= disaster
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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