I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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