THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
