Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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