No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
