My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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