I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
