You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can't turn off my feet"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
