I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
