better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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