When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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