that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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