Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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