things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
