As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Can Purell be used as lube?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
