When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
