I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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