"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
