haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
