dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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