Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
