I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
