If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
