I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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