is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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