I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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