i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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