how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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