I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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