i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize