I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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