My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Everything about him screamed your future.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
