Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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